A Side Note

I forgot to mention another "Unschooling" issue that has come up in our house. Besides homeschooling I am officially "unschooling our home" in some aspects, including food. I let the girls choose what food they want in the house and when they want it. Usually Evie makes good choices, except when we actually have junk food in the house and she knows it (chocolate..etc..) but usually they eat a good diet. It came up this weekend from a family member and again last night with Chris, that the girls should "not eat treats unless they've eaten dinner, or if theydon't eat NOW, then they don't eat LATER even if they are hungry"
Ugh. NO. no. and no thanks.

Let me ask YOU this. Do you eat only when people tell you to eat and exactly what to eat? I didn't think so. If my child is hungry later, say at 8 PM instead of at 5PM, I will let them eat. I am not going to send her to bed without food simply because she didn't eat when I asked her to.
Also, if she grazes throughout the day and wants a popsicle in the afternoon, before YOUR idea of when "dinner time" is. THEN GIVE HER THE POPSICLE!
I don't keep a ton of junk in the house, so the choices they make are usually healthy, but if she wants a popsicle in the afternoon that is fine. Sometimes I actually have chocolate or candy in the morning> Can you believe it? What about coffee? Do you drink coffee in the morning? What if I told you you could only have that AFTER you ate your spinach with breakfast! ?

Ok that is all. Moving on.

More changes

Our day to day life is changing yet again... I am no longer providing home care for the little girl in our home. It was a choice mostly made by the mother. This is a blessing but also a cause for more stress in the family, namely financial stress. However, Evie is already acting better, less swearing, hitting. The main reason she was targeting the little girl was due to attention issues. It is a loss, but I feel like I can breathe easier in my own home now.

Rory is talking up a storm still, singing, dancing. Loving her Kitty Cats and babies. She had her first ER visit last week after a bad virus. Urgent Care told us to go to the ER, which told us we had no reason to be there. She had a fever for about 4 days and after screaming like she was in pain, we decided it was time to go. Just a virus, and Evie caught the fever while we were there, poor thing.

Evie likes to show us her "cool tricks" she can hang upside down on the couch, skip, skip sideways, and she loves to paint. She is still infatuated with Prince Eric, and constantly wants me to play Ursula or something or other having to do with Eric. She likes to look at a picture of Eric and these two eels, so we have been looking at books with sea animals. We went to Petco and saw two eels. We talk about how snakes and eels are different and the same.

I'm looking forward to having some family downtime...some day. We want to take Chris to our favorite beach in NewMarket and might be planning a camping trip either to Storyland or Hermit Island sometime soon.

Cinderella and Homeschooling

I brought the girls to see Cinderella at the Palace Theater in Manchester on Tuesday. Despite being way overpriced and not really produced well, the girls seemed to enjoy it. There were a ton of children being cattle driven here and there and just gave me a nod in the direction of homeschooling.
There are a ton of reasons why I want to home school, but one of them is knowing that my children will be respected by myself as a teacher and a parent. I don't agree with those (including Chris) that say they are going to have to deal with that type of negativity in the "real world" so they need to learn how to deal with it now.
Not exactly. See I don't think I should have to create a false scenario on life NOW, for a fake scenario in the future. This is their Real World that they are living. I don't ever want them to think that they have to sit through being stepped on, or live life poorly just because someone told them "life sucks, that's how it goes." No, they should know that they have the power in them to change their life, and if something isn't going how they want it, then it is only them that can change it, but they will always have that option.
From someone who was stepped on, and continues to be pushed aside by family members, I want them to know they do not have to suffer through it! Speak up girls!

Babes to Toddlers

Rory has such a vocabulary! She repeats almost everything we say. She said her first phrase this week, she brought me a book and said "Read It?" She is almost 18 mos.

Evie's vocab has been quite colorful to say the least! This is my fault, and I need to watch what I say when I am angry. My stress seems to also be affecting her potty training. She went a week or two with no accidents and now if she is watching TV, or busy playing, will sometimes forget to go to the bathroom. On the other hand she is really good at asking to go while we are out and about. But this is because she finds it fun to see the bathrooms in stores. We spent half an hour at the restroom at Lull Farm, and every time we go to LL Bean she has to go in there at least twice. Certainly makes shopping a bit more time consuming and now that Rory likes to walk around and play chase I don't exactly want to be at stores very long!

I love to see them interacting and playing. Evie calls Rory her "sweetheart" or her "little strawberry". We still nap together and I am remembering the days when Rory was just born and her little starfish hands would seem so tiny next to Evie's on my right. Now they are practically little girls and I am trying to make their toddler hood last.

When it Rains...

It's really been raining at the Lewis household lately!! Figuratively and physically!
We bought a lemon of a vehicle and hopefully can sell one of our cars to make up for it.
The little girl I watch has become increasingly difficult and has made life in our own home hard to bear.

On a lighter note I have made some positive decisions on our future as far as education. My dream of motherhood and teaching will be combined to home school my girls. This is everything I could have asked for out of life, to live my life with my children and give them the best opportunity at childhood that I can!

Today the girls and I went to a play place in Bedford called Bounce U. Evelyn asked to go down the HUGE slide by herself and she laughed the whole way down. She really surprises me these days! She spends most of her time singing her favorite songs from Beauty and the Beast and the Little Mermaid...repetitively. :) She remembers EVERYTHING, like when I say, tomorrow we will find this story. The next day she will say, "Remember last year, you said we'd find that story.." :)

Aurora is developing such a goofy little jokester personality. She shrugs her shoulders, repeats every word we say, and loves to Shake and Bake to Papa. She also attempts to sing with her sister, but usually catches the end phrases like "Wooorrrlld," "Liiiiiiife" She is wanting to always be naked and asks to be "Nake Nake" Still trying to get rid of her "B" (pacifier) but not sure how to go about doing so without tantrums.

I'll try to post more on what we do day to day so I have a record as for their schooling as well as for them to look back and say, "Ah yes, this is why we are so messed up! Thanks Ma!"

Healing

The past two months I feel like I am finally getting back to my "self", whatever that was. There are no new holes in the walls of the house, and for me, that is something to be proud of. No yelling, arguing with my toddler, etc. I didn't really realize the difference until about two weeks into my getting some help. I looked back and realized, wait a minute, I was actually sleeping when the girls were sleeping, and not having rambling rambling thoughts the whole night. Also, no screaming and all that fun stuff.
Now, however, I am feeling well enough to watch a little girl part time in our home along with my two. This helps us financially but also, she is so sweet and such a great friend for Evie and Rory. She comes from a very earth friendly family who are also familiar with the Waldorf schooling, so overall I made lots of changes in our home that have turned out to be for the better. We hardly watch any tv, we are eating a lot healthier, and in general I feel like I am catching up on my connecting with my children. I am actually playing with them a lot more. It was hard for me to realize, but most of my anger was directed at Evelyn due to nursing, attachment, all of that. And because of this, I wasn't giving her the affection she should have been getting. Sure, I nursed her, hugged her, fed her, changed her. But when I started to think about it I wasn't saying "I love you," all that much.

So it is my time now to play catch up with my children, my husband. And myself.

We returned from Florida on Friday evening. I guess I had been so excited about getting away from the cold and being able to play outside with the girls, that I didn't exactly think about how hard the transitions would be for Evie. She spent most of the time crying or asking to go home.
Oh boy. I fell a bit backwards in my mental progress, at least in my mind. But we are getting there.

Rory fell sick again once we got into Fort Myers. She has been ill most of this winter, off and on with colds, thrush, etc. The last 30 minutes of the plane ride home were awful for her. I ended up nursing both of the girls on me on the plane. I can only think what the flight attendants were thinking, but I was happy I had a way to calm them and let them sleep.

I can't say I completely enjoyed the trip. The time we spent as a family in the sand, or in the water, was great. We are lucky my parents are so generous, but I know next time they offer, we will have to pass. I think we will wait to travel like this again for a couple of years.

The wedding for Sarah and Aaron was nice. It is hard for me to talk and think about it really. Chris's half brother, Ryan, was born on the same day. We also found out that Jay and Laurie are expecting their third. Part of me is jealous. I would love another baby, but I know with the issues I had with the girls, I'd like to wait until Rory is at least 2 until we start TTC. I want to enjoy these girls, I AM enjoying these girls. Each day is a new start.

Change is a Comin

I have felt stuck in a rut for some time now. I feel like everyone around me is moving on, doing something different, getting a taste of change. My children are growing, but my family life is the same. I need to make changes in my home, and in my life. It is hard, but we will get through it.

Our first trip out to play in the snow!

Starting Fresh

Wow, hard to believe it is already 2009. With a new year I thought I'd make my third attempt at blogging. Maybe this time it will stick? The past year has brought so many changes they are hard to count. Rory just turned one and is quickly coming into her own. Evie challenges me everyday, making it known that she still wants her voice heard loud and clear. It is up to me to keep myself together and remember, that I am helping to mold these little children's thoughts and actions. I am their mother, and their primary source of education about the world.
So many people giving me their advice, negative, positive. I've been torn between following advice, following my heart. Who do I listen to? Am I doing the best I can, or does that mean I am trying but not doing a good job. This is where my mind strays.

So, I have to focus. Focus on life, on change, on love and on happiness.